The Storm

I find myself having sporadic moments of grief. It just comes over me like a storm, without warning, without calculation. I hits hard, beating against my heart like the strongest wind I have ever felt. As I try to fight back the tears and ache in my heart it overwhelms my soul and I must sit and be still and let the storm swirl around me. It rips apart this mask. It peels away the walls I try to hide behind by peeling it layer by layer. It hurts worse than anything emotionally I have experienced. I have no words, only heartache, frustration turns to anger, sadness turns to grief, and regret turns to shame. I look up and see her little eyes pierce through me like a bright light, and all I can say is "I'm sorry, so sorry" and "I miss you, I miss you so much". I must just sit and be with this pain in my soul.

Then its gone. Everything disappears. The pain is completely gone and I cling to the hope that this life is a mist and we were meant to live eternally. I will have my time back to make up for this regret and loss. I will have the opportunity to allow the gapping hole left in my heart heal by her pressence, by His pressence. When we meet again, I know she will be even more radiate than all my memories combined.

For now, the storm is silenced, but I know it is not gone. For now I can go about my life as if the storm never came. It is calmed for now. But as I know that in due time it will sneak up on me again and captivate my heart and soul. I know as I continue to build these walls and rebuild my mask, it will only be a matter of time before it comes back. It will come back to reclaim its power over me and tear away all I try to hide.